How I Came To Getting Accommodations At Law School

My dad left in 1979 when I was 7. 

I repeat that to myself a lot. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I am still in shock over it. I think when I have dementia that will be the phrase I say over and over again. 

He left 2 weeks before my 8th birthday. I remember playing “You Lost That Loving Feeling” on a little 45 record player I had.

I thought it would be enough to keep him around. It wasn’t. 

He said he was leaving to sail around the world, which would have been a cruel but understandable desire. But instead he just moved from Medina to Canton with his secretary. 

My mom was so broken I had to wrap all the Christmas presents that year. 

And that pretty much sums up the parenting abilities in my life. 2 people that really weren’t up for the job. 

Fight Club and Eminem were the spiritual resistance and soundtracks of boys who also came from divorce in the early ’80s. (My only friend who didn’t come from divorce is now spending 30 to life for child molestation. The rest of us are doing ok.) We never triumphed like Eminem or Tyler Durden. Instead, we ended up in some variation of Clerks. Working behind a desk, trapped but not sure where else to go.

I threw myself into music. I got a full ride to college for that. When I got to college I threw myself into alcoholism which is where I stayed for the next 15 years. I was a bartender at Medina Country Club. I was a breakfast and lunch server at the Ritz-Carlton. And then I bartendered at some small bars in Medina so I could properly focus on my one main obsession: drinking.

I was a binge drinker. I drank as much as I could, as fast as I could. It was passive suicide. I just always wanted to be gone. 

What’s that about? 

I quit drinking 23 years ago and I still couldn’t tell you. 

I replaced drinking with marathon running. I ran 3. Chicago. Pittsburgh. Akron. 

Then I got into citalopram. It’s a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). It is primarily used to treat depression by increasing serotonin levels in the brain. 

I didn’t realize I had anxiety and depression until I had less of it. I distinctly remember starting a run one day. I ran ¼ mile and realized I didn’t need it anymore. I just walked back to my car and never ran again. 

My anxiety and depression are still here. It’s just that the fierce pointy edges of it are trimmed off. It’s more manageable. 

A few weeks ago I was officially diagnosed with ADHD. 

I’ve learned a lot about that condition over the last couple of weeks. But I’ve got a lot more to learn, I’m sure. 

My two core deficits are distractibility and working memory — not initiation. I can start tasks fine. The problem is staying on them when something more interesting pulls my attention, and holding multiple pieces of information in my head simultaneously. When I go to the grocery store for three items I need to write them down. Because otherwise I’ll come back with 10 items and none of which will be the original 3. 

It’s sounds funny when I say it. And it probably seems like a silly thing I do that I could just correct if I wanted to. 

As close as I can explain it: I walk around in a constant fog. I only focus on bright things because boring things, things that blend into the fog, just disappear. 

The ADHD brain is chronically underaroused in terms of dopamine and norepinephrine. Routine, predictable tasks don’t generate enough neurochemical stimulation to engage the brain properly — hence the wandering, the distraction, the difficulty staying on task.

But genuine crisis, high stakes, deadline pressure, chaos — that floods my system with adrenaline and norepinephrine naturally. Suddenly, my brain has the neurochemical levels it needed all along. I feel sharp, clear, alive, and focused. When I’m surrounded by chaos, it feels like I’ve woken up for the first time in weeks or months. Like a vampire, when the sweet night finally descends.

My desk is a door on 2 sawhorses. I always roll with a pc desktop, laptop, and MacBook across 5 monitors. I have a stand for my phone so it’s always sitting directly in front of me. And I usually have a tablet open (I have 2 at my desk.) That’s how I keep myself engaged at work. It’s completely exhausting. But it’s how I’ve learned to function. 

Studying for law school is completely different. It requires countless hours of focus and attention. I have developed a great deal of discipline to force myself to do long-format things like intense studying. But just because I’m reading doesn’t mean I’m retaining. I retain almost nothing from reading. It just can’t get past the fog.

Retention for me looks like writing, talking, and engaging with the content in any way I can come up with. I can do it. But it’s a massive undertaking. 

Once I get something I get it. But it takes me forever to get it. 

In law school that shows up as difficulty retaining elements long enough to apply them.

And so I have accommodations. I get 50% more time on test and a variety of other things. 

I took the time to explain this to you because I have a feeling that what I just described is something other people might be experiencing. Maybe I have it worse (or less) than what you are experiencing. But the main reason I write any of this stuff is to connect with others who may have similar feelings.

Maybe you can relate a little.

But people with ADHD also tend to be pretty bright so they have figured out workarounds. 

I believe there are still stigmas about this kind of thing. That people like me don’t deserve extra help. 

There’s a part of me that agrees. If you can’t do what is asked of you then don’t do it.

But where do you draw the line? 

Should a blind person not get to be a lawyer because they can’t read the same book as everyone else?

Should a dyslexic person be able to have their books read to them?

If a person has almost no working memory (it’s like short-term memory), should they get to use AI to record and summarize class lectures? I have that accommodation.

The problem is that people who could be eligible for these things often don’t take them. Minorities are particularly against admitting these kinds of things. But I know a lot of white men who are too proud to admit they have a problem. 

So now there is another handicap: cultural stigma. 

All I’m saying is: if anything I’ve mentioned here resonates with you think about taking a quick test to check it out. Even if you aren’t in school or you think it’s wrong to get the accommodations, if you learn more about yourself you’ll understand why you do what you do and feel what you feel. 

I used these people to get my diagnosis: https://www.adhdadvisor.org/

At the University of Akron, you can learn more about their accessibility options here: https://www.uakron.edu/access/stars/

I’m currently trying Wellbutrin along with my citalopram. I am learning that Wellbutrin is more for people who have a hard time starting things. That’s not my problem. I have a hard time staying engaged. I guess stimulants are better for that. So who knows where this all will go. 

I have a lot of conflicting feelings about using these accommodations. If it was something that was in limited supply, like only 10 people get accommodations, I definitely would not take them. But that’s not how it works. If you qualify for accommodations, then you get them.

I do think that it takes me a longer amount of time to gather my thoughts and create organized answers than the average person. That’s simply because I’m constantly battling a dozen other things that are trying to get my attention right now.

I don’t know what it’s like being inside your brain. But look at my life: Law school, SageRock, Houseless Movement, Church of the Nomadic Spirit, I practice the guitar every single day. I write blog posts like this regularly. I am constantly building apps with AI. I have 3 books in development. (and then there’s the TV shows and podcasts I have to keep up with) This is what my brain looks like, manifested in the world. This isn’t me just letting myself get distracted. This is survival. This is the only way I can keep my attention… by having endless distractions.

As an entrepreneur, that’s actually pretty fine. But as a law student, it’s totally destructive.

Yes. I’m sure you have come up with a million clever ways to get past all of this if you experience life like this. But they all come at a cost. They are exhausting and ultimately don’t let you succeed at your full potential.

Just give it some thought. If nothing else, there’s real value in understanding yourself a little better.

Sage