I am so attracted to women.
And if it weren't bad enough, the older I get the more into women I get.
When I was a teenager the kind of girl I was into was very narrow and specific. As I look back at yearbooks and Facebook pictures I am completely astounded at all the beautiful young women that surrounded me that I was totally clueless about.
As a late forties guy, I now am still not only attracted to every woman I was attracted to when I was 16, I'm attracted to women well into their 50s. I'm also now way more open to women of different sizes and races. I'm quite sure by the time I'm 75 every woman on planet earth is going to be drop dead gorgeous.
I tell you this so that you know where I'm coming from. I'm a guy that is totally into women. I can't speak for you, but I suspect there are many of you that get where I'm coming from.
You need to stop.
Just because your mind and sex chemicals are firing on all cylinders when you see a random woman on the street or in a bar or at a wedding does NOT make it cool for you to start engaging with her in a way that has to do with her physical appearance.
You need to assume that she does not want to hear about how beautiful she is or how pretty her eyes are or, god-help-you, how great her body looks. It's uncomfortable and completely invasive of her space.
"But why did she get so dressed up and put on all that makeup if she didn't want to be told how great she looks?" She did it for herself. It makes her feel good about herself. And if you see her girlfriends telling her how great she looks it's completely different if you tell her how great she looks. It's a line that is different. A random man that tells a woman how great she looks is coming from a place of sex and desire.
The ONLY person you can and should tell how beautiful she is is your wife and your girlfriend. Not your niece. Not a coworker. Not the bartender. NO OTHER WOMAN. (I don't know what the appropriate response is for daughters. I don't have a daughter so I'm not going to speculate on that.)
Do you get it? Do you understand the line?
As a general rule, if you wouldn't say it to a guy friend, don't say it to a woman. I'm hesitant to even write that line because I know some guys will be like, "Well I'd totally tell Bob how great he looks." Just no. Don't talk about a woman's looks AT ALL.
No. No. No.
Do not touch her shoulder. Do not come in for some creepy ass hug. Do not even put your hand out for a handshake.
If I woman wants to shake your hand she will extend HER hand. That's standard protocol.
If she wants to hug you she will initiate that. NOT YOU. And if she does initiate a hug keep it professional.
Am I making myself clear? NO PHYSICAL CONTACT. Your wife and your girlfriend and your mom are the only women in your life that you are permitted to touch in any way whatsoever. (Again, I don't know the protocol for daughters. So, I'm not wading into that water.)
Let's say you are in a relationship with a woman. Maybe you two have had sex before. Maybe you have never had sex.
And by sex I mean anything sexual. Blowjobs. Handjobs. All forms of sexual contact.
You are not expected to be a total mind reader. But you ARE expected to listen to and watch for signals.
If she feels or looks uncomfortable JUST STOP.
If she says things like "I'm not sure." "I don't think this is a good idea." "Maybe we should wait." JUST STOP.
If she doesn't say anything but she pushes away or she shakes her head no or any other physical signal, JUST STOP.
That song "Baby it's cold outside" is a rape song. Pull that shit and get what you get.
Drinking is such a complicated aspect of this entire process. You aren't able to pick up on nuanced communication AND you are more sex crazed than normal. On top of that, she might be more open to things she wouldn't normally be.
I'm certainly not telling you to not have fun. But I AM telling you to keep this little conversation you and I are having in the back of your mind. If she says anything remotely like she isn't sure or she isn't feeling it JUST STOP. If she pushes away in any way JUST STOP.
If a woman who has had some drinks is telling you she "maybe" doesn't want to do this, that means she TOTALLY doesn't want to do this. Just wait till tomorrow. Honestly, it will probably go way better for you anyway because you were sensitive to her feelings.
Is any of this not clear?
If you encounter a situation that I haven't covered here just default to not saying anything and CERTAINLY not engaging in any physical contact. Even a handshake (unless she initiates it).
We are bigger and stronger, most of the time.
Every time a woman trusts us by being alone with us or spending time with us it is a risk for her. It's always a potential life or death situation for her. You are probably stronger than her and more aggressive than her. All men and women interactions come with that fundamental understanding for every woman on planet earth. (I know there are situations where the physical differences are reversed. But stop being cute. Most of the time it's what I'm talking about here.)
You need to get with the program and stop being a dick. I thought you would have learned some things from the #metoo movement. But by the looks of things you don't seem to have picked up most of what has been put down for you.
If you have any questions about any of this please let me know. But I don't really know what could be unclear or confusing about any of this for you.