Coffee, Trauma, and the Quest for Self-Acceptance in Modern America
I laugh at myself often, listening to the petty bullshit that goes on in my head.
I’m still stewing over losing that city council election seat.
Yesterday, I was yelling at people in my head who voted against me because they thought that I was somehow against their values and self-interests because they thought I only cared about homeless people.
Do you know the difference between a homeless person and a mainstream person? A homeless person knows what a piece of shit they are.
56% of Americans can’t afford a $1,000 emergency expense.
Now, you can look at this two ways: One way is that the American system is unfair, jobs don’t pay a livable wage, and the government favors corporations over working-class people. That’s true.
The other way to look at it is: If you can’t afford a $1000 emergency, STOP GOING TO FUCKING STARBUCKS FOR THAT SHITTY BURNT SLUDGE THEY CALL COFFEE!
I live about four doors down from a Starbucks. There are times I can’t turn onto my street because people are backed up out the driveway onto Market Street to wait in line to pay for coffee that they could just go home and make themselves at 4:00 in the afternoon!
We all make bad life decisions.
Don’t you have a brother or uncle that is addicted to alcohol or gambling or some other drug, and their parents are constantly bailing them out? Or what about all the husbands that would drag the entire family down if it weren’t for the relentless determination, grit, and love of a wife that quietly goes to work every single day, does the laundry, makes all the meals, and washes the dishes while he sits on the couch getting shitfaced for the third time this week, and it’s not even Friday yet?
I like that about addicts, though. We know exactly how much we suck. We just can’t stop.
I admire people who understand their fundamental failings yet get out of bed every day and carry on. They are my soul mates.
The world is filled with people that are making terrible life choices. But that’s not the full picture. People make poor life choices because they are broken inside.
Thank God for Ozempic.
We all think AI might radically change the world. I think it might be Ozempic.
We can’t stop eating in America (and increasingly many other countries).
According to the CDC, 73.6% of adults in the United States are overweight, including those who are obese.
We aren’t killing ourselves with food because we feel great. We overeat because we manage our emotions with food.
Put down the fork. Put down the bottle. Put down the needle. Put down the glass pipe.
We can’t.
And the reason we can’t is because we are fucked up.
I buy into this whole trauma thing.
We have been traumatized since the moment we were conceived in the womb. And it just gets worse every single day we’re on planet Earth.
We are living in post-trauma while layering on new trauma.
For most of us, it’s thousands of tiny cuts.
For some of us, it’s being turned into a sex slave first by our mom when we’re 14 and then by every single man we ever have “dated” since then.
And trauma does funny things to you. It comes out in weird ways. You may walk out of that basement where you were chained naked to a pole to be raped over and over again by the man upstairs as if nothing happened. Then someone accidentally puts your lighter in their pocket by mistake a year later, and you shoot them in the face.
Yes. We all have personal responsibility. But we all also are a product of our genetics, upbringing, and environment.
The people that annoy the shit out of me the most are the people that can’t see that. But that’s the work I need to do. They are like that because of their parents and community. And sometimes people are assholes to other people as a form of self-preservation. They themselves overcame terrible situations and they are ashamed of that time in their life. So they lash out at others as a way of lashing out at themselves.
I’m wrong to be upset at people who judge other people or who are racist or classist. It’s an addiction that was taught to them through the words and actions of other people.
We can all be better, but that’s not on me. Other people’s journeys are none of my business. My journey is to try to understand others more deeply and fully. That’s what I like working on. With that comes acceptance. And maybe someday I’ll be able to accept myself.