A personal reflection on rage, humanity, and the cost of caring
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to overcome my rage. The world is just so wrong sometimes.
Did I tell you that my friend Hurricane got hit by a school bus? It destroyed his cart, his front bicycle wheel and his guitar. Here’s a picture of his guitar:
Here’s what the call log said from the police:
Accident SCHOOL BUS AND VEHCORRECTION – BICYCLE W/TRAILER
NO INJURIES
#499
Narrative added from associated Call #: 8535 – ADVISED CT60 AND
WILL CHECK
when i arrived the homeless man was gone. i found him on w market st
at a church. he said he rode into the rear wheel of the bus and dmaged
his bike wheel. no damage to the bus. said he did not want a ticket or
report. i gave both the incident number, adv.
*********
That’s not what Hurricane told me that he told the police. He said he was riding his bicycle through the intersection and the bus turned into him as it was turning right.
I asked if they would help with these things:
- Front Rim for bicycle $50
- Trailer: $200
- Guitar: $500
And this is what they wrote me today:
Afternoon Mr. Lewis,With regards to your information below:
Thank you for your email and detailed information. APS is fully aware of this occurrence. This has also been reviewed thoroughly. As the report states, Mr. James rode his bike into the bus. There is no claim to make against the district and funds are not available to support the requested reimbursement of this occurrence.
Thank you,
Debra J. Foulk
Executive Director – Business Affairs
Sylvester Small Administrative Building – Akron Public Schools
Phone: 330-761-2805
Email: [email protected] or [email protected]
APS Customer Survey (Please complete this survey so I can best serve you)
This is how systems are. “If we give him anything we’ll admit liability. So Fuck Him!”
I see this in schools, governments, and homeless service providers. Every conceivable institution will neglect those it is meant to serve and especially the surrounding community, in the name of “protecting its ass.”
I was very moved by a lecture an educator gave this weekend. Her name is Alison Davis. One of the MANY things I took away from her was:
”You will not find me washing my hands of a situation and it will cost me.”
That’s not a naturally occurring human trait.
Humans are opportunists and scavengers. We conserve energy and, consequently, become lazy and apathetic in the face of the most terrible situations.
“Not my problem,” is as human a statement as you will ever hear.
“What happens if I take that on?”
“What will become of me if I help that person?” (let’s all chant it together, “what will become of me if I don’t help that person” ah… quotes are so charming.)
I’ll tell you what will happen: your life will become harder. You will find yourself in a mess that you can’t easily get out of. You will probably live to regret it. Take it from a guy who knows, THAT’S what will happen if you help that person.
BUT SO FUCKING WHAT!?
I watched Cabin In The Woods again this weekend. (If you forgot to unsubscribe from Peacock for watching the Olympics this past summer, like I did, go watch Cabin In The Woods and then unsubscribe. I don’t care how much money you have; no one should be subscribed to Peacock.)
I’m going to tell you the ending. So get ready for me to ruin this movie for you right now:
All this woman has to do is shoot her friend in the face and she will save the entire human race from a fate of extreme suffering and extermination. She doesn’t do it. She says, “If you got to kill all my friends to survive, maybe it’s time for a change. Humanity… It’s time to give someone else a chance.”
I’m sorry. But that’s the answer. That is the extremely obvious test we have always been faced with as highly conscious beings. And we fail it over and over again.
Our selfishness makes us basic, mean, gross, and terrible. And there are no limits, NO LIMITS, to what we will do to other people in the name of “preserving our way of life.”
How do we live with ourselves?
“You will not find me washing my hands of a situation and it will cost me.”
I keep coming back to this fundamental question: “How do I live with myself and the rest of humanity knowing what complete and total pieces of shit we are?”
It is THE question for me in my life right now.
I don’t have hope that we’ll overcome this. I see no logical evidence that we will ever be a species that will do the right thing, as a whole. So I can’t look to statistical evidence that things will get better. Everything shows that we never change. That’s how the story ends. Humans going extinct trying to hoard the last seed left on Earth from the second-to-last person alive on Earth. We all walk past the freezing homeless person on the street to save our own skin. COUNTLESS PEOPLE WALKING BY DOING NOTHING. We rationalize this behavior by saying things like “He needs to quit drugs and get a job.”
But there is also another undeniable truth: Throughout written history and, I can assume, probably throughout ALL human history, there has been a small group of people who have done the right thing.
“You will not find me washing my hands of a situation. And it will cost me.”
The only way I can not go insane in this world of madness is to think that this all must just be a school. That most of us haven’t learned the lesson yet. But some of us have.
Allison Davis is learning it.
Jesus learned it.
And countless people you will never read about or will ever hear about have learned it.
It’s not about shouting to the rooftops that you learned it. And it’s especially not about pointing out the most obvious truths of humanity. We will neglect a stranger any day of the week if we have to bend over and hand him a dollar lying on the ground. We will do nothing to help someone who is not directly connected to us in some way, no matter how little effort it requires. And more often than not, we’ll gladly shun and abandon our own children, brothers, sisters, spouses, and parents if they start acting up slightly. You don’t need me to recite obvious shit to you.
And I don’t need to keep being angry about the fact that fish can’t breathe air and humans are selfish cunts. I might as well be angry that Earth’s gravity makes me feel bloated and fat.
It’s only about learning it and doing it. We all know what the lesson is. We all know what the right thing to do is. We don’t need role models. We have plenty of those. Too many.
These exhausting and breathless blog posts where I shout about this over and over again are not necessary. I have made myself clear. I don’t think I need to say it anymore. If you are ready to hear the message, then you will hear it. It’s always staring you right in the face. There are endless people begging for you to help them and, for a very small few of you, one day you will not turn away. Children, adults, elderly, mentally disabled, addicted, mentally ill. They are begging for mercy, love, and help. The message is always there. You don’t need me to tell you about it when it’s staring you right in the face.